To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.

– C.S. Lewis

One of the core tenants of the Gospels is forgiveness. Jesus’ death on the cross not only is Him taking on the punishment for all of our sins, but is also a show of forgiveness for all who repent and believe in the name of Jesus. For myself, I have had periods of my life where forgiveness feels like a very ethereal and mystical concept. However, sometimes forgiveness has allowed beautiful friendships to form and grudges to melt away. I have seen God’s power and glory in forgiving others, and it is awe inspiring. I hope the dear reader will forgive the author for diving into this topic in a sentimental way.

The Lord’s Prayer is one of my favorite prayers of all time. I grew up having to recite it every single week. Each section of it has a lot of meaning to me, and in particular, the part on forgiveness is always encouraging.

And forgive us our sins, for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. – Luke 11:4 (KJV)

Even in the first part of the verse, I find that there are two important points worth exploring further: Forgiving others when they do not deserve it, and asking for forgiveness when we do not deserve it.

As Christians we hopefully have some grasp of how badly we have sinned against God and were His enemy. Sin used to be a part of our nature, and even after salvation our flesh can rear its ugly head. We were not just slightly bad people, but really really messed up people. But, by the grace of God our old heart was completely thrown out and Jesus gave us a brand new heart. He has forgiven us.

Unfortunately sometimes the flesh wins a battle against the spirit and we sin against others. Not only do we sometimes sin against others, but of course others will sin against us. For many in the world it is fashionable to hold a grudge or to get revenge, but as believers this is not an option for us. Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

Here is another verse that nail this point well:

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. – Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV)

To say it more plainly, forgiving is not optional. That being said, I am guessing you, dear reader, probably already know this. We may know in our heads that we need to forgive, but I think this does not go nearly far enough. We need to explicitly forgive. We cannot just ignore someone, or pretend the problem is not there. If someone has offended us, we would do wrong to put off the problem. As Chrstiains we need to completely forgive others whether they come to us or not. This act of forgiveness can be a beautiful picture of the Gospel.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. – Romans 5:8-9 (ESV)

It should be counted as a joy and an honor to be able to serve our fellow image bearers by forgiving them in our heart. Jesus forgave us, and that is a blessing. We need to forgive others not only when they do not deserve it, but especially when they do not.

On the flip side, now we get to the second point: Asking for forgiveness when we do not deserve it. I imagine that most can relate to having occasions where one messes up and does things rather unbecoming for a believer. Or, as I know I struggle with, letting your tongue work faster than your mind. I am certainly guilty of saying things without having thought about what I am saying first. Sometimes this ends up being fine, but other times people can be left really offended. In other instances you may just do something that really ended up offending someone, or rubbed someone the wrong way.

Occasionally it can happen that we can sin against someone without knowing. Which, in a little tie back to the first point, is why it is so important to forgive others whether they are seeking it or not. However, I would guess that most of us end up kicking ourselves lying in bed at night when we look back, reflect, and cringe on what we did earlier in the day.

Therefore, I think this side of it is a lot clearer. If we have sinned against others, ask for forgiveness. Here is a verse that speaks to this:

Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. – Colossians 3:13 (ESV)

It is critical that we ask others to forgive us explicitly. There have been a few instances of people in my life, believers and nonbelievers both, who I have not been on speaking terms for months. Regardless, I went to them, humbled myself and asked for their forgiveness and apologized to them. It was hard, embarrassing, and really not fun. And yet the relief you get after is worth every penny. I have only had positive experiences when I took the first step to apologize and ask for forgiveness. 

There may be times where objectively speaking, the opposing party is likely at fault for a majority of the sin and heart. Regardless, I would strongly say that it is highly unlikely that you were entirely innocent. Therefore, the mature and Christ-like thing to do is to apologize for your part and ask for forgiveness. I think you would be surprised how successful this can be. The world expects war, anger, and violence. When you give it humility, love, and honestly, you are using the power of the Holy Spirit against demons and ancient forces of evil. Forgiveness is a very powerful tool.

Dear reader, I hope you are encouraged by this. It is worth adding that asking for forgiveness will really be a blessing to your spiritual life as well. Not to mention this point is not optional either.

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. – Matthew 5:23-24 (ESV)

Small caveat, I am of course not recommending that we be naive. If someone keeps on hitting you with a hammer. Do still forgive them. But maybe don’t keep giving them hammers, or putting your head into an optimal hammer-hitting range.

Caveat aside, I think that the believer will find that their prayer life will feel stunted if they are not spiritually at peace with everyone around them, especially others in the Kingdom.

To wrap this little foray into the act of giving and asking for forgiveness, there is really only one thing to remember: Forgive others when they do not deserve it and ask for forgiveness when you do not deserve it. As believers these are commands that have been given to us, and I have found in my life that there is a horrible thorn in your side that will not recede until you go out to others and either give or ask for their forgiveness. You will not feel at peace, unless you truly forgive others.

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. – Matthew 18:21-22 (KJV)