“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

– Jim Rohn

The statement above is a popular phrase supposedly popularized by Jim Rohn. I have never heard of him before, but I am willing to believe a quick Google search on the subject. Regardless, I have heard this saying or something similar to it for many years. The people you surround yourself with are the people who will shape you the most. I don’t think many people would disagree with this. More than just friends, most people find themselves living in different groups and communities of people. Most people’s closest relationships are with friends from church, school, work, family, sports, hobbies, choir, volunteering, etc. People who obsess with soccer are likely to have their main group of friends also be soccer players. This principle can be spread across any number of different social circumstances. For Christians, it is likely that our closest relationships and friends are other Christians. While musicians being friends with musicians, and tennis players being friends with other tennis players doesn’t seem to bait an eye. Most Christians I know have some type of shame or guilt in the fact that most of their peers are fellow Christians. It is this topic that I would like to explore further, and my goal is also to provide a measured defense to this occurrence.

To start, I would like to provide some personal details. While I grew up going to church, it was a mainline protestant church and a fairly liberal one at that. Meaning that the people there and my peers from this church, weren’t exactly like the typical southern Baptist. I also never went to a private school, or a Christian school. My peers for most of my life and for most of my academic career have been non-Christians. It has only been since partways through my Bachelor’s degree that most of my peers and social group has been made up of believers. Over time, I have slowly transitioned. At the end of my undergrad, my closest friends and peers were are Christians. Now that I am doing a Master’s degree, it is the same story. The people I surround myself with are Christians.

This transition from what one might call as secular friends to believing friends has been a deliberate choice on my part. It did not happen overnight, nor did it happen without my knowledge. I say this because many of these same peers and friends that I have made that are Christians, do not have a similar story. For most of my friends, they have grown up in conservative and Bible-believing churches. Many have gone to private Christians schools, and many were even homeschooled. Some did go to public schools, but their main social circle still ended up mainly being people from youth groups and the church. I am not sure if this is a new thing, but I find that many people who find themselves in an exclusively Christian bubble seem to have a sort of guilt around them. They think that it is bad, or at the very least suboptimal to not have more secular friends.

These thoughts appear to come from a good place. Many growing and dynamic churches tend to be those that put a large emphasis on reading the Bible, having a personal moment of salvation experience, and spreading the Gospel to the nations. One example of this would be the large numbers of young believers who go on short term and long term mission trips. Many Christians, because of their strong belief in evangelism, then see a contradiction. They think that they need more people in their lives who they can evangelize to. As previously stated, this comes from a good place.

Another spanner in the works is the fact that one’s time at university and the first time moving away from family as a young adult. Many people who grow up in a Christian bubble find themselves studying, living, and working with nonbelievers for the first time in their lives. And these people are often very nice and not like the caricature of evil that many people paint of those outside of the church. The young believer spends more and more time with their classmates and coworkers working on projects and living life together. These examples show that there are lovely people who the Christian cares about that also need to hear the Gospel. What then happens, is the Christian goes back to their church setting and starts to complain about the Christian bubble. They will complain about the fact that the majority of their time is spent with believers. “There are so many people who need to hear the Gospel.” they exclaim. “And, how will we win people for Christ if we never talk to nonbelievers?” Whether in Germany or America, I have heard the same things. These are nice sentiments, but there are a few things that the zealous young Christian should know.

Everybody lives in a bubble. When it comes to politics, I think that everyone is aware of this. Many on the left only interact with and engage with others on the left, and the story is exactly the same on the right. Most people on the right only engage with those of a similar persuasion. Part of this may be due to humanity’s tribal nature, but part of it may just be practical. It is just easier to be with people who are more similar to you, and this is true on many levels. If you like playing sports and jogging, then you will probably surround yourself with fellow athletes. If you are living for Jesus, then it is no wonder that you will want to spend time with others who also love Jesus. I don’t want anyone to feel bad or guilty for wanting to hangout with believers. Quite frankly, I love Christians and think that people who love the Lord are often some of the nicest, smartest, and most hospitable people out there.

This may be a bit of speculation, but I have also found that Christians who spend a lot of time with nonbelievers aren’t always the most forthcoming with their views. Most are fine with calling themselves Christians and talking about Jesus when asked. However, many people I know are a lot more hesitant to share their views about LGBT issues, abortion, women’s rights, and separation of church and state. In fact, I find that many of these types of people who I am describing, tend to make many excuses for why they are less open with their views and beliefs. Not to psychoanalyze, but I think that there may be some guilt here for not being as transparent as they know they should be. It is also worth noting that most Christians I know, including myself, would never sever a friendship due to a difference of political opinion, no matter how extreme. The same can’t necessarily be said in reverse. I have had and have heard of many stories of people being excommunicated from social circles due to their “extremist Christian” beliefs. The Christian who has to hold his tongue to keep his job is nowadays exponentially more common than the Atheist who has to do the same.

As mentioned before, I have slowly transitioned from being many around secular people, to mainly hanging around Christians. Part of the reason for this was just practical. It is often extremely difficult to live as a Christian when nobody around you is. In my experience, being in a secular bubble meant a lot of unhealthy drinking of alcohol, gossip, crass language, and bad habits. I am not saying that all Christians are saints, and I myself still have many sins that need to be sanctified out of me. Nor am I saying that all nonbelievers engage in obnoxious sinful behavior. However, Christians are a lot more likely to hold to Christian values, which makes sense. Having to always be the sober one, or the one who doesn’t curse, or the one who won’t talk about the person who is not in the room isn’t that fun. It isn’t enjoyable to always be the odd one out. As I slowly became more serious in my faith and as I grew in sanctification, it became unbearable. The Christian’s goal might be to influence his secular peers, but how do you know that they aren’t influencing you more than the other way around?

“Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted. And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” – Matthew 28:16-20 (ESV)

Having secular friends is good and having consistent opportunities to share the Gospel is great, but we need to be realistic. There is only so much time in the day, and we need to make sure we are protecting our own souls and building up our brothers and sisters in Christ. You do become the sum of the people closest to you, and this is why the Christian should beware of spending too much time with unbelievers. Jesus may have been able to withstand this, but we are not Jesus. We are called to always be able to give a defense for our faith, but that doesn’t mean that we need to constantly be putting ourselves in these types of situations. In the Great Commission in Matthew 28, Jesus calls His followers to make disciples of all the nations, and to baptize them. I think that many well meaning Christians forget that we are called to make disciples, not just converts. Hearts being transformed by Christ is a huge part of this, but not exclusively. We don’t just want believers who can only eat baby food, we want believers who can dine on the richest and deepest theological and spiritual steaks. Evangelism is not optional, and there will certainly be many whose hearts burn for those still lost. However, we are all different members of the body and we all have different functions. Some may be better used as teachers and mentors. Those who can build up the church and strengthen it. A new convert to Christ is beautiful, but a disciplined disciple who has been walking with Christ for decades is also a thing of beauty.

This leads me to my final thought. I have been wondering lately about the importance of evangelism. Is sharing the Gospel everything? I don’t know. Clearly evangelism is very important and should be engaged in by all believers at some level. I do wonder if maybe we don’t focus a touch too much on evangelism in the current year. Time and time again I run into peoples whose hearts are on fire for the Lord, but their spiritual maturity is still that of a child, they lack any deep theological understanding or Biblical nuance. Young believers could use a monastic phase where they are just learning and focusing on being sanctified and learning about who God is. Spreading the love and truth of Christ is important, but so too is holy living. Growing in knowledge of God and serving His church is also important. Growing in discipline, sinning less, and having a will aligned with God should not be sidelined. Evangelism is important, but should it be engaged in at the expense of everything else?

All in all, I like the Christian bubble. From time to time it is certainly healthy to get outside perspectives, and not be too rigid. One should always be open to making new friends. I just don’t want believers to feel bad that their main peers are also believers. If you have zero nonbelievers in your life, then that is a problem, but it is fine to spend time with God’s children. Everybody lives in a buddle, that is just a reality of life. We all need our tribes, and we shouldn’t throw ours away for nothing.

Ave Christus Rex.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” – Hebrews 12:1 (ESV)

“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” – Matthew 18:20 (ESV)